So I'm still here, still alive and well.
I've been at university for a month now and whoa, has a lot of things happened. For the most part, I am enjoying my course a lot, although there is a huge amount of reading for it. Particularly, there is one module about adaptations that I love. I have lovely flatmates (who know and are cool with me having a blog, hey guys if you're reading this) and I've met some nice people on my course who we share our sighs for 9am lectures, assignments and the search for the one book that all 160 people on my course want. It's been good. It's different but it's really good. I haven't felt particularly homesick which is a little weird but I'm not complaining.
However, more pressingly, university is a fresh start for nearly all the people who attend it. While I'm basically the same person, I entered my flat as 'Rebecca, the girl from West London', not as just plain Rebecca that people have known for years.
And it's that which I think has changed my perceptions of blogging now (somehow). This is a fresh start and a new phase in my life and I'm not sure whether blogging is included in that. I love blogging, I really do, but anyone who looks at my archive can see that over this year, even over the last few years, the amount of effort I put in to this blog has declined. And in the changing face of the blogging world now, that's not good enough.
I started blogging three and a half years ago. Then, blogging was literally a hobby especially book blogging. It was so casual, everyone was so nice and friendly although the world was dominated by older American bloggers than myself. In the last few years, the amount of English bloggers as well as younger bloggers has risen so much. I love that it has especially with having more English bloggers around and more British groups and memes like Project UKYA. I also like that there are more younger bloggers around because let's face it, YA is aimed at teenagers.
However, in the last few months, it's daunted on me that these changes (not just the two I mention) have also introduced a new kind of philosophy to the blogging world in that you HAVE to always be posting, always having the best authors on your blog, always around and interesting. And it's so exhausting. I can't keep up with this pressure. Blogging is supposed to be fun but recently it's felt like a bit of a chore, something I feel I should carry on for the sake of being around for the last 3 years. I do want to be able to say 'I'm a blogger' but sometimes I think I'm kidding myself when I say that because in the last year, I really haven't been just that. I liked it when everything was casual, it didn't matter if you posted one review in two weeks - no-one cared. But now, it's completely different even if we don't realise it.
I'm 18, I'm away from home at university. I really don't need or want any extra stress at writing reviews, getting posts published, constantly trying to think of new and exciting things to post. I'm just juggling a lot of things at the moment - moving out, work, university work, assignments, all the reading for uni (THERE'S A LOT), meeting people - sometimes it gets a little bit too much already.
One of my flatmates has a beauty blog and she gets so excited over writing posts, thinking of ideas, designing her blog, taking pictures - it makes me sad watching her sometimes because I used to be that enthusiastic about blogging, I used to have all these ideas - I'm not sure where that's gone.
This isn't an end post. This is a post letting you guys know what's going on in my head right now.
I love reading, I love books, I love blogging, I love what I've achieved through this blog that I never would have had the opportunity to do so before. I love all of that.
But I'm just unsure if I can carry on. Blogging has become far too stressful.